UNLOCK DIARIES

JULY 2020

I hesitated but just a bit; then entered.

It had been so long… how would things have changed in this new normal I wondered. Even though most places had opened up, I had been nervous. Everyone advised stepping out only if we had to.

It was less crowded than it used to be. Thermal scanners and sanitizers were everywhere

It felt odd, to see people wear face shields, even PPE. Everyone looked as if out of a dystopian movie. Suddenly I felt nervous. Maybe I should have called before coming? After all, more than 3 months had passed.

Would he be here?

Why had I assumed everything would be as earlier? After all, the lockdown had brought so many changes in everyone’s lives.

Then, I saw him. Despite the mask, I recognized him immediately. He took a moment longer but came to me as soon as he realized it was me.

“It has been so long…”

“Yes, I was wondering if I would ever be able to come here again” I replied.

I didn’t mention how trapped I had sometimes felt, stuck at home, attending to demands from the children, husband, work. There were times when I looked into the mirror and would hardly recognize myself…All that seemed a long time away now.

He led me inside and sat me down.

The uncertainty that lockdown and unlock had brought seemed to be getting dismissed by the familiarity of the place, and his long deft fingers running through my hair

I finally relaxed.

“You have started tying your hair”

“Yes, it has grown so long; and the mask makes it difficult”

“You should leave it loose. It looks good on you”

“Hmm”

His hands were running through my hair, tousling the strands.

Suddenly, it felt like it always had, like the many hurried getaways that I would plan from my busy days balancing family and work. Those had been my respite. I knew no one would understand why I needed to do this; and finally, I had stopped feeling guilty. I had one life to live, and I needed to do whatever brought me peace.

When everything in the lockdown had seemed grey and flat, I had wondered if this was the way it would always be. Even after things had opened up, I had tried not to give in to the temptation and postponed venturing out for a while. The monotony had become too much for me, though. I couldn’t live like this anymore. Wasn’t this self-care, without which I would be the empty cup trying to pour comforts in the lives of others? Pandemic it was, but we also had to get back to our lives didn’t we? I had justified my actions as everyone at home reminded me to wear my masks, keep my sanitizer handy and take extra care when I stepped out.

As his hands reached the nape of my neck, and the pressure changed from light to medium, I realized he hadn’t forgotten ….

“Would you like to try something different today?” he asked

“Why not? After so long, let us do something whacky today!”

I was surprised by my answer. He had always encouraged me to experiment, but I found comfort in the familiar.

With that, confident in his expertise, I surrendered to whatever he had planned for me

An hour later, I emerged, deeply satisfied, content. I was also looking so much better after a head massage, hair coloured and cut.  The greys gone, my hair was again smooth, shiny and with the bounce restored

AUGUST 2020

A little more than 5 months since everything changed.

They kept locking and then unlocking, and things were opening up.

Yet, for me, nothing seemed to be moving.

I seemed chained to this dull, drab existence with nothing to look forward to.

The weeks had come and gone; so had family occasions, birthdays and festivals. Nothing was helping. Life was bland and dry, even bitter. This tiny virus had made so many things we took for granted seem like an indulgence. Reduced us to merely existing.

But, didn’t life have to be lived?

I couldn’t take it anymore I decided. Things need to change.

“Be careful” everyone advised

“I need that zest and zing back in my life” I replied

“These are difficult times”

“That why I need the crunch back”

“But you must stay safe”

That is the bittersweet reality of today, I agreed. To live, to do and stay safe

“Yes I will, I promise, but this needs to be done”

And I picked up the phone

A tingling sensation, nervousness, as I waited for it to be answered.

Had I been too hasty in assuming things?

What if the number had changed?

What if my number had been deleted?

After so much changes in 5 months.

Finally “Hello”

Yes, she was back from the village.

Yes, she was back in the condominium

Yes, she was available when I needed her

Yes, the cook was back, and finally, I could hand over my kitchen to her.

December 2020

I hadn’t seen it

Clearing messages and email inboxes is a casualty of the 24x7 online life and one that I get to extremely reluctantly

The single liner had been missed in the many forwards in the Diwali week

 “I am back”

The first few days after gradual unlocking, I had called to check on him occasionally

The number was unreachable or the calls unanswered

“No trains” was the brief reply on one of the rare occasions when the calls were answered.

Gradually I had reconciled that the new normal meant staying back home for many people. He seemed to be one of them

The months dragged on.

I told myself that I needed to be strong and stoic and to learn to do without.

As things opened up, the cases escalated, as did the lockdown fatigue.

Like most people, I alternated between fear and the need to reclaim my life.

I tried the number once more; after all who else would understand exactly what I needed to pep myself up?

The call was unanswered.

I reconciled myself to a dull, drab festival season

Now, even the approaching winter seemed colder than usual. Without the warmth and vibrancy that I always associated with this time of the year

Until, the message.

The message that I had missed.

He was finally back! But, I was unsure. We were all avoiding markets and malls.

Maybe, there was another way to look at it. The quarantine that was recommended after travel was over by the time I saw the message. Surely that was a sign? At least, I was going to take it as one.

Just once, I told myself, or twice…

We would be careful, not slip up on precautions

So, I opened the wardrobe.

Such nice and soft fabrics, perfect for the winter.

 This was the time for the shine of the satin, the feel of the silk,  the warmth that my solid dark colours brought.

I quickly got my things together.

"I will be late today, need to go the market", I said, as I rushed for work

"Take care. Can't, you have things delivered online?"

"Hmm, just this time", I replied and left before I changed my mind

Yes, just this time. To give the fabrics I had stashed away for months to my tailor. Who else would understand exactly what I needed in my wardrobe, or how I wanted the clothes to fit?

Now, I am eagerly awaiting my silk kurtas and salwars to be stitched for this winter season by my tailor; my masterji who was finally back

Because, there is nothing like a fresh, customised wardrobe to lift the spirits, even in a pandemic